It’s like living in a dream…

Every time you have fun, jump around, do tasks, climb levels, learning, exploring, clean parts, socializing, you feel like everything’s fine and nothing’s on your mind. Once you wake up from this dream and settle down into your own private space, thoughts just keeps barging in and disturbing your frame of mind. Leaving a woman behind is not easy, more over being left behind by a man, its horrible. I wish I can just escape from this reality and fall into your grasp and presence. It’s cold here. I long for the warmth that you can provide me in the blistering coldness. The amount of days are getting shorter while the days feel longer.

It’s more of a nightmare…

The clock just stood still when I first saw you after such a long time. My whole world zoomed into only one destination, no more journeys, no more patience, nothing in between. I’ll never let go, ill never give up, ill never turn around. I’ll just keep walking along the path to finding you again. There were times in my life when I was going insane, trying to walk through the day. When I lost my grip and I hit the floor, I thought I could leave but I just couldn’t get out alone. I was so sick and tired of living a life. I was wishing that I would die. It’s amazing, in a blink of an eye I get to see the light, It’s amazing, when the moment arrive, you should know you’ll be alright, It’s amazing…

I’m sitting down on my bed every night, hours at a time, through the night, thinking about you. I wanna go to somewhere only we know. The place where everything started and where everything will end.

Seventh of April. The night was awkwardly silent here… Everyone was asleep, and I really ment everyone. Except me. I had my personal time all to myself and I spent it all on you. Being five hours behind Singapore. it was right after my dinner time when you went out to play. Extremely disappointed by the tales you’ve told. I knew it was coming. Fortunately your honesty pleased my trust for you. An independent woman with a mind of her own. Running wild and free without any guidance, except from the one above. I trust you, I trust him. He’ll be on my side no matter what wrong I’ve done.

Reading the papers bout whats happening at home just doesnt feel right. So much has changed, so many new things. MRT stations are up, Stadium and brasbasah. CBD, 5 Star Hotels, Barrage, Flyer, Esplanade, Expo, all dimmed its lights in mark of saving the earth. Its may seem like normal news, but it goes deeper than that. Memories I had of the places with my loved one made my whole room dark, I couldn’t stand reading another line from the papers. I couldn’t stand looking at the pictures of home. Songs I had playing, echoed through my skull leaving the most darkest, deepest blow to my heart. Its getting harder day by day.

Without you, I wouldn’t know how to live a life. I’ll feel so lost and empty inside. Cant imagine life abroad without anyone to fill my heart and soul.

10th april Midnight. I know this may be some bullcrap story to read, but its worth jotting down anyways. It really hurt me on the emotional level. I had a vivid dream that she was cheating on me. although it was just a nightmare, it seemed soo real. Jotted this down on my phone as soon as i had woken up. I never remember dreams, moreover nightmares like this. It all started at a some sort of holiday we had. It wasnt just me and her, Our friends and family came along. Notably reezal was there. It was at a resort ive ever been to at purajaya, batam. We each had a room by our own, Ayu brought her parents and had a room. Me and reezal each had a room to ourselves. After the first day checking in. I woke up the next morning and went over to ayu’s room looking for her. Her parents said she want in and said that she had gone out on a stroll with reezal. I searched high and low around the resorts premises for her. I recalled in my dream that i saw her and reezal took a path along a stream or river leading through a green rainforest of some sort. She left in the morning when i just woke up, I waited anxiously in my room for her return, Reezal opened my hotel room door and came in calmly as though nothing had happened. I asked him where had he been the whole morning, he just couldn’t convince me with his made up stories. I interrogated reezal thoroughly till he admitted that ayu needed him to get to another guy she was seeing all along. She came back to the resort in the late evening and walked into my room with the exact same attitude reezal had. She was gone for the whole day. I furiously questioned her of her whereabouts, Her storied just didnt made sense. I pulled her through the resort and out onto the path that she and reezal took. We had the worst quarrel I can ever imagine. She admitted of her sins in the end. We were down in the sands of the resorts beach. I was furiously heartbroken indeed. I didnt handle the situation well. I blew my top on her. I dont wish to elaborate here.

But there was something that she did in the dream and often in real life that really calms me down. Her honesty always pleases my trust for her. Her telling me the truth, and nothing but the truth makes me see things in a new perspective. I trust her, I trust her words. She tells me everything and so do I.

So where can we go from here, with all these fear in our eyes, lets crawl back to love.
Im just so lonely. She’s my Dream Girl.

But now I seem to find her very cold and shallow. It could just be my imagination. Ill wait and see how it goes.

Advertisement